The Pastor's Desk

First Samuel chapter one relates the story of Elkanah and his wife Hannah, who became the mother of Samuel. We are told in verse two that Elkanah had two wives, Peninnah and Hannah, and although Elkanah loved Hannah, she was barren (verse 2, 5, 6). This barrenness caused severe depression and hardship for Hannah, so much that she stopped eating (verse 7). This was compounded by the incessant provocations of Elkanah’s second wife, Peninnah, who would “provoke her bitterly to irritate her” (verse 6) each year as they made the journey to worship at Shiloh. Can you imagine the heartache that Hannah must have experienced? Not only was she barren in a society where barrenness is considered a punishment from God, but she was provoked by a another wife who was bearing children for her own husband! Some of you may relate to the horrible sorrow and anguish of Hannah’s condition.

It is in this particular context that Elkanah enters and performs a common blunder of husbands who are dealing with a hurting wife. In 1 Samuel 1:8, it says that “Elkanah her husband said to her, ‘Hannah, why do you weep and why do you not eat and why is your heart sad? Am I not better to you than ten sons?’” Wow! That sounds like so many husbands, myself included. Elkanah foolishly thought that he could satisfy the God-given and innate maternal longings of his wife with this simple statement. What a typical man! He thought he would be a good husband and simply remind her of what a wonderful man he was (“Am I not better than ten sons?”) and all that sadness would simply vanish. What a fool! Elkanah failed to realize that women are designed by God to bear and nurture children, a value that was heavily reinforced by Jewish society and seen as disgraceful if it was not fulfilled, even because of barrenness. He failed to discern his wife’s real needs at that moment and treated her situation like a logical problem instead of an intensely emotional and difficult situation.

Now the Scripture says in 1 Samuel 1:3 that Elkanah worshipped God regularly, so he must have been a devout man who loved God. Therefore it is safe to assume that his intentions were good in speaking to his wife in this way. Yet sometimes a bitter message proceeds from the good intentions of an ignorant husband, and such is the case here. Elkanah would have done better to comfort her with sympathetic presence, compassionate empathy, and a simple hug without words, rather than trying to ‘fix’ her emotional state with the reassurance of his own love. How often do we as husbands, with the best intentions, fail to give our wives what they really need by trying to ‘fix’ their grief, problems and pain? Let Elkanah’s poor example gently correct (or perhaps strongly rebuke) other husbands (beginning with the author) who choose to ‘fix’ their wives’ emotional state rather than walking with them through it in a spirit of empathy and grace.

And yes, Miranda, I have already repented of my many sins in this regard and will try to do better in the future! I love you!